Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
