How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
