Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
