I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my being single is dangerous.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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