Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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