I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
