This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize