Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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