If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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