So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
