Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
