bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry my hands just texted you
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
