Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
