yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
