i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
