I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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