I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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