I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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