The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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