Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
