I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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