he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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