i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
