Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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