It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
