as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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