Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
