Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize