Umm I'm too high to move.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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