She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
