if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
