i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
MIDGETS
????
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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