New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize