sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
