I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
