Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
