Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
