Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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