My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
