I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
