I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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