the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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