I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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