90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
