I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
