if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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