Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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