I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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