Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
