My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
