I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
