break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
