nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
