I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
