some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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