He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
