first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Randomize