Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
