Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
