we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
