Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
3pm strippers are depressing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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