She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
