Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
