why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
