That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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