i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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