Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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