im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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