I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
