So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
