I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
