i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
